For these past few days, my mind couldn’t handle the pressure, the burden and the mentality of being all alone. All of these years of my struggle in my teenage angst, I still couldn’t find the courage to move on and leave my persona. For once, I realized that this is who I am and what will I came to be: a lonely person who struggles on her own, trusts her instincts and keeps everything to herself.

It is a privilege for me to acquire a momentary bliss, to forget everything and to think that I am just everyone; but I am different, different in such a way that no one perceives me to be a normal teenage girl. A year later and I’ll be of an age of a young woman, but who am I to accept the challenges that waits ahead?

And so here I am in a foreign territory waiting to be picked up by my sister-in-law.

I needed some time alone, some time to think about all the unusual things that needed to be done, and steps that could be possibly done to be successful. They say right now, I should be on my own, but to tell you honestly, this burden is too much for me.  It’s hard to put away all of my suspicions, it’s hard to keep the truth that has been hidden by lies, it’s hard to struggle and know the possibilities of downfall and in the end no one, not even a single human being is willing to be a vessel of comfort.

My mind is full of nonsensical assumptions but these were the effects of loneliness.

I don’t know what should I or should not do.

All I ever wanted is peace and love, but so far of my struggle, it has been realized that I am person who is to be suspected of rising to new heights, but now, in reality, I’m all alone and all I can rely on is to myself.

This lonely time has passed by, and soon I realized, my brother’s family was waiting for me to go outside. 

Eggs, corned beef, fish fillet, rice and fresh fruits, these compromises my Filipino breakfast.  I stayed in a three star hotel at the downtown area, but not only me, but the whole batch together with our two Instructors in housekeeping.

I was hoping to see a wonderful full view of the sunrise earlier; unfortunately, the room that I stayed in was unfortunately set in a simple view of the restaurant that covers the pool. While my friends were sound asleep, I sneaked out of the hotel and strolled outside to look for some food and buy load for my cellular phone. The street was quiet, except for the sound of the passing jeepneys. I also see people segregating newspapers ready to be delivered; the sky magnificently shows a streak of the upcoming mean daylight.

But that happened two hours ago.

Right now, I am gloomy by the fact that I could’ve been happy swimming at the pool an hour ago, and my friends, when I came back, acted like a fire alarm has set.

“Where have you been? Call time’s at 7:00 AM” Bea said.

Like thirty minutes later, we have to show up ourselves at the Chinese restaurant of the hotel.

I hurriedly get myself ready, took a bath and helped myself to my clothes.

Unfortunately, 7:00 AM became 8:00 AM.

Right now, people slowly showed up and help themselves with their breakfast. I want myself a glass of mango juice, but settled on iced tea instead.

Suddenly, Miss Nicole wanted our attention and told us that the seminar was moved to eleven o’clock. That means I have two hours to spend leisurely and have fun at the pool.

The hotel has a luxury pool set at the fourth floor; I went with my friends and brought with me my newly purchased two piece swimsuit. I registered and have my own blue towel, showered and went to my friends to give them my belongings. Other tenants were also there leisurely sitting, reading newspapers or what. The weather was good, for the mean daylight didn't came but was replaced by a cloudy weather.

I swam and feel the cool water relaxing me; somehow, it also refreshes my soul, getting ready for another hell-like challenge. The sun, the weather, the ambiance  it made all things perfect at so little time, it made my heart and mind free of its burdens and for the first time in my life, I feel quiet, not even a single unconscious part of my mind disturb my peace.

I went back to my room feeling refreshed and after I pack my belongings, went to the eleventh floor where my friends gathered and disturb their sleep.